First day of Chemo treatments and the day went extremely long. We had to be there at 7am and didn’t finish until 4pm. We started with lab work, another visit with the nurse and the medical oncologist before heading up to the infusion center. They gave us a tour and explained how the floor was laid out so that each time we come, we know our own way around. They showed us to the recliner chair that I would spend the day in and the small, uncomfortable chair for my guest. My chair was very plush with my own flat screen with all cable channels, nice warm blanket and tables for magazines and books on each side. There were snacks available all day and a volunteer passing out lunches around noon. Poor Tom was stuck in the uncomfortable chair getting tripped over by the nurses all day when they came in to change my meds around. He was a trooper through it all always smiling and running to get me snacks and even remaining pleasant when a volunteer made sure the chocolate ice cream he was getting for me was in fact for a patient and not for himself. I’m sure he was tempted to be a smart ass about how much money we are spending there and the tiny ice cream cup must be about a 10cent cost to the hospital. Anyway, he was good.
We watched a video that explained all the nuances of receiving chemo and what to watch out for. Mostly stuff we had already been warned about for me but a few surprises for others living with me. Apparently I can get bombarded with massive amounts of these toxins but if I were to drip one little teeny stray spot of pee on the toilet seat and someone were to sit on it after me, they could get exposed to the toxins which is apparently something I need to be very concerned about. Tom and I got a chuckle out of how ridiculous that sounded to us. Anyway, I’ll do my best to not drip on the toilet seat and will always do a “look back” to check just in case something sneaks through. I wouldn’t want anyone to get a tiny dose of these highly toxic chemicals.
As for the rest of the day, I felt tired and queasy, but that was it. Round 1 over, 5 more to go. Next days for treatments: Nov. 2, Nov. 23, Dec. 14th. And two more after that in January sometime.
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
October 11th, Day 49
Today was my port placement surgery where they place a small, quarter size device under your skin and attach it to a vein which makes it much easier to receive chemo infusions from this port rather than trying to access your veins each time. I hadn’t heard much about how complicated the procedure is except that they kind of make you sleepy, but don’t really knock you out all the way and that someone should more than likely drive you home because you will feel like a drunken sailor. Hmmm, sounds fun, right? As long as I don’t wake up with a tattoo all should be good.
I had Chelsey come with me today since Tom had decided to be with me tomorrow for the first day of Chemo treatments. Chelsey and I went together to the surgical waiting room where I put on a gown and they started my IV. She then left and they said it would only take about 30 min. They wheeled me over to the bed, added the sleepy time drug to my IV and about 5 nurses and one surgeon started immediately working on me. I never really fell asleep and could hear everything and feel my body move and shake around on the table. I wasn’t in any pain, but the sensations were quite freaky to experience. Once they were done, they wheeled me to the recovery area where I tried to come to. The nurse tried to ask me questions but I was pretty incoherent. Chelsey came back in and the nurse went over the care instructions with her and asked her if she could “drive my wheelchair” down to the valet to get our car. Lucky for me, I was really out of it and therefore couldn’t suggest another driver. We rammed into every open doorway, elevator opening and wall getting from the 4th floor down to the lobby. She just kept saying, “oops, sorry” each time she missed a corner. I was sure this was her way of paying me back after my nagging her in the car. My head was bobbing all over the place and we were both laughing by the time we made it downstairs. I gave no attitude to her on the ride home because I was too drugged up to notice if she was speeding or not which I’m sure gave Chelsey a little justification.
I had Chelsey come with me today since Tom had decided to be with me tomorrow for the first day of Chemo treatments. Chelsey and I went together to the surgical waiting room where I put on a gown and they started my IV. She then left and they said it would only take about 30 min. They wheeled me over to the bed, added the sleepy time drug to my IV and about 5 nurses and one surgeon started immediately working on me. I never really fell asleep and could hear everything and feel my body move and shake around on the table. I wasn’t in any pain, but the sensations were quite freaky to experience. Once they were done, they wheeled me to the recovery area where I tried to come to. The nurse tried to ask me questions but I was pretty incoherent. Chelsey came back in and the nurse went over the care instructions with her and asked her if she could “drive my wheelchair” down to the valet to get our car. Lucky for me, I was really out of it and therefore couldn’t suggest another driver. We rammed into every open doorway, elevator opening and wall getting from the 4th floor down to the lobby. She just kept saying, “oops, sorry” each time she missed a corner. I was sure this was her way of paying me back after my nagging her in the car. My head was bobbing all over the place and we were both laughing by the time we made it downstairs. I gave no attitude to her on the ride home because I was too drugged up to notice if she was speeding or not which I’m sure gave Chelsey a little justification.
October 5th, day 43
Today was my Grandmother’s gravesite service for her passing on October 1st, the day after her 97th birthday. It was an event that I will never forget because of the remarkable impact that day had on me. The service was attended by family only who are some of the warmest, most caring and spiritual people from the Midwest you would ever know. On that particular day, the sky was a crisp shade of bright blue and she was buried on a beautiful plot of rolling hills surrounded by trees that were just turning their golden hues for the season. Looking around at the crowd it was obvious that her legacy will continue through all of us for many, many years. Some sharing her recipes like how to make homemade applesauce and others her love of gardening. There wasn’t a bird or plant that my grandmother didn’t know. She lived a simple life but was a fulfilled woman because she was surrounded by so much love.
Later that day Chelsey and I took off on our road trip to Florida wearing our pink breast cancer awareness ball caps. We had full intentions of stopping in St. Louis for some retail therapy, but once we realized we couldn’t fit into her car all of the clothes she already owned and desperately had to have with her, I made the decision that stopping would only mean she’d have to leave something else behind which she just couldn’t do. So, our only stop ended up being to Barnes and Noble to pick up a couple of books on tape to pass the time quicker. Day one was a breeze, I ended up doing all the driving and we stopped that first night in Paducah, Kentucky.
After hauling all of our luggage, the cat and her liter box and food into the hotel room at night and back into the car the next morning we decided to try and haul it straight through to Tampa. The drive was going to be long, about 13 hours but we thought between the two of us we could do it. I took the first leg and got us just past Atlanta, GA before pulling over to let Chelsey drive so I could rest. Unfortunately, I stopped too soon and the traffic outside Atlanta is crazy! I turned into such a nag harping at poor Chelsey over and over about slowing down, changing lanes and watching out for crazy drivers that she was quickly agitated with me. Our peaceful drive all of a sudden turned into me being a maniac. I tried to close my eyes, but whenever she slammed on the breaks I woke up in a sweat. After 2 short hours of this, Chelsey found a rest stop and pulled over, turned off the car and handed me the keys. She never really said much because I could tell she didn’t want to me mean to me (normally she would have put me in my place) but she was done. I don’t blame her. I took the wheel back and she stuffed her head into a pillow for the next 2 hours to get over it. I had to drive the rest of the way to Tampa which turned out to be a total of 14 hours that day! I clearly should have kept my mouth shut. We were both wiped out but we made it safe and sound. I guess it’s time for me to realize that she’s been on her own for a few years now and I have to start treating her like the grown up that she is. These next few months will force her to be much more grown up and I’ll have to learn to accept it and appreciate it.
Later that day Chelsey and I took off on our road trip to Florida wearing our pink breast cancer awareness ball caps. We had full intentions of stopping in St. Louis for some retail therapy, but once we realized we couldn’t fit into her car all of the clothes she already owned and desperately had to have with her, I made the decision that stopping would only mean she’d have to leave something else behind which she just couldn’t do. So, our only stop ended up being to Barnes and Noble to pick up a couple of books on tape to pass the time quicker. Day one was a breeze, I ended up doing all the driving and we stopped that first night in Paducah, Kentucky.
After hauling all of our luggage, the cat and her liter box and food into the hotel room at night and back into the car the next morning we decided to try and haul it straight through to Tampa. The drive was going to be long, about 13 hours but we thought between the two of us we could do it. I took the first leg and got us just past Atlanta, GA before pulling over to let Chelsey drive so I could rest. Unfortunately, I stopped too soon and the traffic outside Atlanta is crazy! I turned into such a nag harping at poor Chelsey over and over about slowing down, changing lanes and watching out for crazy drivers that she was quickly agitated with me. Our peaceful drive all of a sudden turned into me being a maniac. I tried to close my eyes, but whenever she slammed on the breaks I woke up in a sweat. After 2 short hours of this, Chelsey found a rest stop and pulled over, turned off the car and handed me the keys. She never really said much because I could tell she didn’t want to me mean to me (normally she would have put me in my place) but she was done. I don’t blame her. I took the wheel back and she stuffed her head into a pillow for the next 2 hours to get over it. I had to drive the rest of the way to Tampa which turned out to be a total of 14 hours that day! I clearly should have kept my mouth shut. We were both wiped out but we made it safe and sound. I guess it’s time for me to realize that she’s been on her own for a few years now and I have to start treating her like the grown up that she is. These next few months will force her to be much more grown up and I’ll have to learn to accept it and appreciate it.
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
September 27-Day 35
So I’m at the cancer clinic this morning for yet another round of tests and while I’m talking to the oncologist, a nurse is trying to take my blood pressure. The machine they use keeps pumping the little sleeve on my arm over and over until it finally gets a reading. It was 99/56 which is very low so the nurse and doctor look at each other kind of confused, then the doctor said, “that’s pretty low, are you sick or something?” Now the smart ass in me wanted to quip back something like, “isn’t that why I’m here?” or “Did I forget to tell you guys that I have cancer?” but instead I assumed she meant something other than the cancer and so I said “no, I’m not sick.”
Today was another exhausting day at the clinic. During my 8 hours there I met my medical oncologist, had an ultrasound done to check on more suspicious spots, had 3 more biopsies taken and another mammogram. I got signed up for my chemo treatments (with the first one starting on Oct. 12) was given information about using a surgically placed port for administering the drugs through and heard about all of the prescription drugs and their side effects that I will be taking prior to taking the chemo drugs. I was there so long they had to escort me out the staff doors because everyone else had gone for the evening.
The good news is that I’ve made a decision today and told the oncologist that I need to get started and the one thing we can do now is to start chemo treatments. They really don’t care about the order of surgery first or chemo first in terms of my health so I’m tired of the wait and why delay the inevitable, right? So I have a game plan now and it’s a little scary but at least I can move from this feeling of living in denial to the beginning of putting an end to this hell.
Karen
Today was another exhausting day at the clinic. During my 8 hours there I met my medical oncologist, had an ultrasound done to check on more suspicious spots, had 3 more biopsies taken and another mammogram. I got signed up for my chemo treatments (with the first one starting on Oct. 12) was given information about using a surgically placed port for administering the drugs through and heard about all of the prescription drugs and their side effects that I will be taking prior to taking the chemo drugs. I was there so long they had to escort me out the staff doors because everyone else had gone for the evening.
The good news is that I’ve made a decision today and told the oncologist that I need to get started and the one thing we can do now is to start chemo treatments. They really don’t care about the order of surgery first or chemo first in terms of my health so I’m tired of the wait and why delay the inevitable, right? So I have a game plan now and it’s a little scary but at least I can move from this feeling of living in denial to the beginning of putting an end to this hell.
Karen
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
September 20-Day 28
Working in retail can make for a crazy, hectic day that often starts with early morning delivery issues and can end with several staff members lined up asking for 5 minutes of my time to resolve their issues. There is no such thing as a moment of privacy in my work world which makes taking care of my health situation even more challenging.
Yesterday my surgical doctor and I were playing phone tag and obviously I’m always anxious to talk to her. When she finally was able to reach me, I had picked up the page downstairs in our stock room where I was surrounded by 4 men working our large truck that had just been unloaded at our dock doors. I was planning on asking her about the relative size of my tumor compared with the size of my breast and how this would impact my surgical decision when one of the guys came up next to me to use the computer. I started to stammer around a bit when I decided that 10 minutes of privacy was necessary. I put the dr. on hold and ran upstairs to the manager’s office and closed the door. During the 10 min. conversation we had, someone knocked on the door, one person barged right in then backed out and there were 2 pages for me to the sales floor. I held my ground, ignoring all possible interruptions and kept my focus on all of the questions that I had prepared for this precious time with my surgeon.
I can tell this cancer thing is going to be hard for me to prioritize while I’m at work since I’m so used to putting our customers and our staff before my own needs. Pushing myself to the front of the line isn't something that comes naturally for me but I do know the store will not burn down while I'm on the phone and that everyone I work with would rather I take the time to get healthy again so I can be 100% focused.
As for the conversation with the surgeon, she still needs some more ultrasounds done before they can rule out any suspicious looking lymph nodes so we’re going to schedule that. I’ve also requested an appointment with the medical oncologist who is the person responsible for my upcoming chemo treatments. We talked about the possibility of doing chemo before surgery while I’m waiting to talk to plastics (that’s dr. talk for the plastic surgeon). I’m learning so much about the medical world and it’s kind of cool. Next appointment is Monday, September 27th with chemo dr. (that’s Karen talk for medical oncologist).
Yesterday my surgical doctor and I were playing phone tag and obviously I’m always anxious to talk to her. When she finally was able to reach me, I had picked up the page downstairs in our stock room where I was surrounded by 4 men working our large truck that had just been unloaded at our dock doors. I was planning on asking her about the relative size of my tumor compared with the size of my breast and how this would impact my surgical decision when one of the guys came up next to me to use the computer. I started to stammer around a bit when I decided that 10 minutes of privacy was necessary. I put the dr. on hold and ran upstairs to the manager’s office and closed the door. During the 10 min. conversation we had, someone knocked on the door, one person barged right in then backed out and there were 2 pages for me to the sales floor. I held my ground, ignoring all possible interruptions and kept my focus on all of the questions that I had prepared for this precious time with my surgeon.
I can tell this cancer thing is going to be hard for me to prioritize while I’m at work since I’m so used to putting our customers and our staff before my own needs. Pushing myself to the front of the line isn't something that comes naturally for me but I do know the store will not burn down while I'm on the phone and that everyone I work with would rather I take the time to get healthy again so I can be 100% focused.
As for the conversation with the surgeon, she still needs some more ultrasounds done before they can rule out any suspicious looking lymph nodes so we’re going to schedule that. I’ve also requested an appointment with the medical oncologist who is the person responsible for my upcoming chemo treatments. We talked about the possibility of doing chemo before surgery while I’m waiting to talk to plastics (that’s dr. talk for the plastic surgeon). I’m learning so much about the medical world and it’s kind of cool. Next appointment is Monday, September 27th with chemo dr. (that’s Karen talk for medical oncologist).
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
September 15-Day 23
Ugh!! We can't get in to see the plastic surgeon that works with our Oncologist until October 6th. That's 3 more weeks of waiting and then we'll probably be waiting another 3 weeks to coordinate their calendars for surgery. I'm so anxious to get the process started, but if they aren't panicking then I have to trust that they have my health in mind and that nothing will progress too far before we can remove the tumor.
The extra time is allowing me to get some things taken care of before I'll be unable to after the surgery. I've made the decision to move Chelsey out of Chicago and down here to live with Tom and I in Tampa. A co-worker jokingly accussed me of getting cancer on purpose in order to talk my daughter into moving back home. I miss her terribly, but I'm sure I wouldn't put this on myself just to get her here.
I can't wait for our road trip from KC to Tampa just like when she was a teenager and we would throw a couple of suitcases in the car along with her music and my snacks and take off for whatever city had the latest cool new store we wanted to check out. Minneappolis, Chicago and St. Louis were our favorites. We could drive it in a day and they always had better shopping than KC. The best part about our trips were the hours spent driving and talking and me listening to the usual woes of a teenage girl...friends, boyfriend or no boyfriend (depending on the day), high school drama and of course-what to wear with those new boots she just bought at the Galleria!
Chelsey, I'll pack the snacks if you'll bring the music and maybe we can stop off at the Galleria and look for boots.
The extra time is allowing me to get some things taken care of before I'll be unable to after the surgery. I've made the decision to move Chelsey out of Chicago and down here to live with Tom and I in Tampa. A co-worker jokingly accussed me of getting cancer on purpose in order to talk my daughter into moving back home. I miss her terribly, but I'm sure I wouldn't put this on myself just to get her here.
I can't wait for our road trip from KC to Tampa just like when she was a teenager and we would throw a couple of suitcases in the car along with her music and my snacks and take off for whatever city had the latest cool new store we wanted to check out. Minneappolis, Chicago and St. Louis were our favorites. We could drive it in a day and they always had better shopping than KC. The best part about our trips were the hours spent driving and talking and me listening to the usual woes of a teenage girl...friends, boyfriend or no boyfriend (depending on the day), high school drama and of course-what to wear with those new boots she just bought at the Galleria!
Chelsey, I'll pack the snacks if you'll bring the music and maybe we can stop off at the Galleria and look for boots.
Saturday, September 11, 2010
September 11- Day 19
To take our minds off all of the new information we heard yesterday, Tom and I decided to spend the day at our favorite beach, Pass-A-Grille. If you’ve never been there let me try to describe how serene and relaxing it is there. The town is at the very tip of the island just south of St. Pete Beach and is old, quaint and filled with charming homes, restaurants and shops. There are no buildings on the beach and you have to walk past sand dunes to get from the parking lot to the beach. The water is crystal clear and goes from a soft green closest to the sand to a pale turquoise and then a deep blue. At 10:00 am on a Saturday in September the crowd is pretty sparse and is mostly couples or a few families with small children. There’s a small jetty at one end and if you walk up and look over it, the ocean seems to go on forever into the distance.
On a typical day there, Tom and I will sunbathe, cool off in the Gulf, maybe nap in our beach chairs, and read if you’re Tom or flip through the latest fashion or shelter mag if you’re me. Today started off being typical with sunbathing and magazine flipping, but then it happened. Tom was out in the water about waist deep cooling off from the 95 degree cloudless day we were having when I decided to put down my Coastal Living and join him. Just as I reached Tom, my left foot felt like the sand was giving way and I was sinking deeper. Before I knew what was going on, I felt something bite me. And then, the pain came. Excruciating pain like I’ve never felt before! I was afraid to look down for fear my foot had been chewed off by a shark! I tried to climb up on Tom because I thought whatever got me might still be hanging around. I quickly started to drag myself out of the water and knew then that my foot was still intact, but was starting to swell up and hurt like crazy. I got out of the water and crippled over to my beach chair. My foot was bleeding from a puncture wound that was apparently from a Stingray. Yes, I was bitten today by a Stingray!! What next???
Advice started to come at us from several people on the beach who just witnessed what had happened. Scalding, hot water on my foot for the next 2 hours was what we heard from most everyone. Tom ran down to the beach shack and they gave him a pickle bucket filled with hot sudsy water to soak my foot in. I sat like that for about an hour but by then we had been there for so long the sun was baking me. Taking my foot out of the hot water was too painful, so….I had to drag the pickle bucket filled with water and my left foot inside all the way back across the beach up over the sand dunes and to our car. I was quite a site taking one step, dragging the pickle bucket, take another step, drag the bucket, stop to talk to a group of tourists about what happened and finally make it back to the car.
All I kept thinking as Tom drove us home and I winced in pain all the way was why? Was there a reason for this? Was this supposed to teach me some lesson? Am I learning how to deal with pain to prep for my upcoming surgeries? Today’s pain was pretty bad on a scale of 1-10 I’d say it was a 9 at times. Maybe I’m just getting my bad luck out of the way so the good stuff will come at me when I need it most. I’m going with that theory.
Karen
On a typical day there, Tom and I will sunbathe, cool off in the Gulf, maybe nap in our beach chairs, and read if you’re Tom or flip through the latest fashion or shelter mag if you’re me. Today started off being typical with sunbathing and magazine flipping, but then it happened. Tom was out in the water about waist deep cooling off from the 95 degree cloudless day we were having when I decided to put down my Coastal Living and join him. Just as I reached Tom, my left foot felt like the sand was giving way and I was sinking deeper. Before I knew what was going on, I felt something bite me. And then, the pain came. Excruciating pain like I’ve never felt before! I was afraid to look down for fear my foot had been chewed off by a shark! I tried to climb up on Tom because I thought whatever got me might still be hanging around. I quickly started to drag myself out of the water and knew then that my foot was still intact, but was starting to swell up and hurt like crazy. I got out of the water and crippled over to my beach chair. My foot was bleeding from a puncture wound that was apparently from a Stingray. Yes, I was bitten today by a Stingray!! What next???
Advice started to come at us from several people on the beach who just witnessed what had happened. Scalding, hot water on my foot for the next 2 hours was what we heard from most everyone. Tom ran down to the beach shack and they gave him a pickle bucket filled with hot sudsy water to soak my foot in. I sat like that for about an hour but by then we had been there for so long the sun was baking me. Taking my foot out of the hot water was too painful, so….I had to drag the pickle bucket filled with water and my left foot inside all the way back across the beach up over the sand dunes and to our car. I was quite a site taking one step, dragging the pickle bucket, take another step, drag the bucket, stop to talk to a group of tourists about what happened and finally make it back to the car.
All I kept thinking as Tom drove us home and I winced in pain all the way was why? Was there a reason for this? Was this supposed to teach me some lesson? Am I learning how to deal with pain to prep for my upcoming surgeries? Today’s pain was pretty bad on a scale of 1-10 I’d say it was a 9 at times. Maybe I’m just getting my bad luck out of the way so the good stuff will come at me when I need it most. I’m going with that theory.
Karen
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